Apologies to my Teachers

Just wanted t say sorry to Grief , Sorrow, Sadness. I've been avoiding you three all week. That was rude of me. Thanks for being here.

This week succckkssss

First last Friday's wonderful event of telling my wife I want a divorce. Then yesterday's grand event of finding out a former manager of mine hung himself in his closet.

I'm about to sink into a nasty fuck hole of Oblivion I believe.

The whiskey and beer this week have been nice and plentiful. But a bad idea in the long run only pushing aside the inevitable falling into of a fuck hole of Oblivion..

Today's exclamation is Fuck Hole of Oblivion. And while I don't know what i mean by fuck Hole, i think it sounds catchy and is not related to vagina.

.........

What I Want in Life and in the Way

 Sparked by a post over at the Zendo, I realized during sitting my mind was a bit full. Clouds..no clouds..clouds..no clouds. Such is Practice.

 But during the clouds I came into some insights about myself.

 I realized , all I really want is to not suffer or to see others suffer.Sometimes it makes me an ass. But then I am choosing to go against exactly what I don't want without realizing it until later.

 In my life experiences I've realized I've been drawn to Zen practice for exactly that reason. It not only offers the promise of ending our suffering with a vow to try to end all suffering. It comes through on that promise. So I stick with it.

 Maybe it doesn't all happen on my own timetable. But that's my fault for making a timetable about such things.

 Additionally I am in harmony and the slightest bit of understanding ( or so I think anyways) with it's concepts of Truth. In my own experiences I can see how what the Way teaches is Truth.

 I can't say about gods or not gods. But it's rather irrelevant. In developing the values I hold true I am doing justice to all of them. Well all of them I would care to do justice too.

 As I love myself , I foster greater love for everything else which is also me.

 But at the same time, I think I want it all to be easy. So I allow myself to suffer with the hopes of it coinciding with my wishful thinking.  But it's not so I just have to accept that. I also have to accept that the vast majority of concepts I hold dear are completely unimportant to a great many others I see day to day.

 If I'm so big on " doing me" then I should relax more to let others " do them". After all, it's only an obstacle to what I want, or at least momentarrily think I want. And if one stops to think about it, it's really quite silly.

 Another shedding of expectations. *opens his head and purs it all out*.

Yayyy fingerpainting!!! * splash spalsh spalsh smear*

Dave _/\_

It's Zafu, It's Zafu! What A Wonderful Toy!!

 My zafu ,that I ordered Friday, came in today. What a great treat I tell ya! I can definitely tell a difference from sitting on the 3 folded up blankets that I still couldn't get to do what I wanted them to do.

 Much more balanced sitting than the chair I've been stuck in since the blankies were too low. And I kept hurting my right leg ( which never actually stopped hurting just has gotten better).

 I was much more alert while sitting in my almost but not quite burmese posture.

 So i'd like to send a shot out too my new best inanimate friend.

 I hope that didn't hurt my computer's feelings.

 Don't worry PC, we're still gangstahs fo' life. I'm just well..ya know..thinking it's time I see other inanimate objects. But we'll still hang out.

  _/\_

The Joys of Employment

 So today was another miserable Sunday serving an almost endless stream of hungry ,impatient people. Yayyy!! Restaurants.

 But it had some cool points and verrryy uncool points.

 Got finished early with the prepwork. Always nice to get a full break when possible. Used some of that time to help out another employee and scrubbed the floors for them, then went on break. Had a nice vegetarian meal in keeping with the Ango vows.

 When I was about to explode with an attack of the "crankies" my boss took over and let me go help the busser a little since he was behind. then later , even after i was calm he let me just go run some orders for a few. Very nice of him.

 Then the greatest event of all day ( trust me there is sarcasm there). One of the young ladies I work with had some ass smash her driver side window and steal her purse ( which was under some stuff). Apparently they tried to go in the passenger side first and managed to knock her mirror housing off. Shame is , we probably fed that asshole.

 Whole window was busted. Middle of lunch on a Sunday morning/afternoon, and noone saw nothing?

 In a random act of kindness I gave the young lady $40 to help recover some of her loss. I figure, why not help someone out of a jam like that? It's just money and I had some extra cash from getting my vacation pay.

 Asked my boss if he could run my bank card for the amount and I could just get cash. So he said sure and then asked why I needed it.

 I told him who it was for and he was like " Why?"

 So I looked at him with this confused look as the idea didn't even register with him.And just said  " Uhhhh, because her window was just smashed in and someone stole her purse?" Then the point seemed to sink in.

 On the plus side, while it was discovered that the person used her bank card for a $74 purchase ( they move fast nowadays) chances are they are at least on camera somewhere when they made a purchase that big.

 So here's to hopin' .

 _/\_

Insights into the Workplace

 I was reflecting last night and today on why it is I let certain co-workers piss me off. I get mad as hell regularly. People don't wanna do what they are supposed to do. I don't always want to do it either. And, no, i'm not perfect. But I do try to complete my job tasks as they are suppposed to be done and in a timely fashion.

 Others just seem to do what they wanna do.

 In thinking about this near daily occurrence, I realized a few things about myself.

 I think I expect them to do it, because that is how people are " supposed" to function at a job, or they are
 "supposed" to not have one. But I realized that it is my expectation that is upsetting me. obviously they aren't doing it now, and I doubt they will start.

 In trying to analyze exactly why it pisses me off, I came to the conclusion that it's not that they fail their responsibilities.It's that they are being fake and think we're all dumb as hell. One or two in particular always act like they always put forth a dilligent effort. When folks complain about people not working, there they are acting like the conversation isn't about them. Act all buddy buddy then ditch out first chance, like we don't know they ditched out and we're stuck with their crap.

But I realized I was just making up conditions and offense. I was getting pissed off for everyone, not just me.
In the end it's just not worth the stress. And there is no Individual Self to take offense. If they think I am dumb or buying their shit, then the joke is really on them. They could even read this blog and would probably say, " Yeah, I hate those types of folks." It's really kind of funny in a way.

 I don't neeed to tell them they are lazy , if they don't know that is their problem. I'm damn sure not paid for the hassle. Management knows and does nothing. So why should I? If the store fails, then oh well off to the next place. I can only do my part and set aside my own selfishness to not get cranky when manager's ask me to do someone else's work.

 But the fact that there is no "me"..there is no "them" is really coming to the forefront. They can't offend me , they can only fling words which I then choose to take personally or not based on the same silly concept of a "me" that is mostly mental construct with no bearing on who we really are in a deeper sense.

Another case of " the only resistance is that which i create in my own mind".

And now I go sit.

_/\_